(... indicates a musical interlude where the words are gibberish)

I would like to take you to the opera, where you are gonna hear a Mozart Opera. Which is nothing more than an opera written by Mozart.

This is an opera in one act, and it begins when the curtain rises, or otherwise you couldn't see a thing.

The stage setting is a kind of a forest. There are two large trees, which of course indicates the forest is a kind of a small forest, but it's a forest.

First the tenor comes in. He is supposed to meet his soprana, as they usually call those ladies. But she's a little late this particular season, so he hides himself behind one of the trees, in order to surprise her when she come's in a little later, which she does. When she comes in she can't find him because he is occupied behind one of the trees.

With a knife, carving her name into the scenery.

She doesn't know that he is there, but as a matter of fact she must know it as she saw it during rehersals. Either she pretends that she doesn't know it or she is just plain stupid.

Whatever it is, she gets across the stage somehow, and takes place behind the other tree, which for the occassion hides her. To a certain extent.

Now the chorus comes in but nobody knows why, except Mozart, and he is dead. And that's just too bad.

Next her father comes in and he is a very old man, primarily becasue she is a very old soprano. And he is very angry, because apprantly, she is not his daughter. This is nothing to do with the opera, I found that out myself. And that's what we call research.

Anyway he decides that he's had enough of her, so he tell's her to die and that's exactly what she's going to do. And with that the opera ends and people can go home.

Now I take you to the opera house, where you hear the conductors footsteps whn he enters the orchestra.....pit. Here he comes

He walks sideways.

And this is the overture.
...

This ladies and gentlemen was the first part of the overture. Now hear the second part, and that is exactly the same.
...
bloop

This little bloop is and extra bloop, in case we should run short of bloops. But that has never happened so we have a lot of bloops left over.

Now the curtain rises and the tenor arrive, he's a little tall fellow. He comes in. He comes in ina single file.
....

He goes behind the tree right away.

Now the leading lady arrives. She is supposed to fill the part of the soprano.  She not only fills it, she overflows it a little. She's a big hus... A big.. A biog soprano, that's what she is. She is what we call a messy soprano. She comes in in a single pile.

She also arrives backwards, but nobody notices the difference.
...

She goes behind the other tree. She can hardly wait because, see, she's, she's supposedly hasn't, she hasn't met him for a long time. So she's anxious.

Now is the time for the chorus. The light is dimmed so you can hardly see these people when they arrive. That is why they are dressed in a kind of cheap underware. because there is no reason to spend a lot of money for costumes when you can't see them. Right! That's the way the management of this theatre feels about it and that's the way it's gonna be.

Here they come
....

Now they are all in and they foo around in the dark for a while. This is a mixed chorus!
....

Now they are out, they get their money and go home.

Next a baritone comes on and sings
"Toreador, toreador" but he finds out he's in the wrong opera.

Now the father comes in, the old man and he is the basso.
...

How low can a man get. 

Well anyway he has almost now told her what he had to say. And she understands him quite well. So now she prepares herself to die. But before dies she sings an aria. The so called die aria.
...

He seems very happy about it.
...

She dies by stabbing herself between the two big trees.

